Simply Sporacious
by mr91
Summary: Have you ever wondered what happened to Tidus after he faded away? There's a reason he doesn't talk about it.
1. Living Under a Rock Gets You Places

A/N: Okay, so this is new for me. I'm not used to writing humor, so here it goes! If I fail miserably, don't tell me. jkjkjk I really need your feedback!

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy X. I wish I did. Maybe I can buy it from Square Enix. Eh, I'll just take it while holding them at gunpoint.

On with the chap! But first the torture of a character I want to throw off a cliff.

(pitch black room)

Wakka: Where am I?

mr91: hehehehe...

Wakka: Whoah! Who's there?

mr91: You're worst nightmare.

Wakka: No! Not Britney Spears!

(_Oops I Did It Again_ plays in background)

Wakka: Agh! Turn it off! Off! Off! Off! I'll do anything! Just turn it off!

(music fades into the Barney Theme song)

Wakka was never heard from again... mwuahahahaha!

* * *

_**Prologue:**__** Physically Impossible**_

I wanted to hug her and, you know, just hold her tight and let her know that it's gonna be alright. But I couldn't. It's not like I was afraid or anything; it was just physically impossible. There she was, lying on the ground, crying. And all I could do was watch. I was helpless. I'm pretty sure a rag doll was more useful than I was at that moment. She slowly made her way to her knees and then to her feet. She stood facing away from me. She whispered three words. Three words I had longed to hear. Words I had waited my whole life for. "I love you." Hearing her say those breathtaking words, it broke my heart. I loved her too, but I couldn't say it. I couldn't tell her how much she meant to me. It was there, on the tip of my tongue, but the words failed me. I was starting to fade. Oh, how I wanted to just love her and kiss her everyday and be with her every step of her new life. But that was impossible. But there had to be _something_ that I could do for her. Something that relayed my feelings of my love towards her. Walking over to her, I placed my arms around her in attempt to hug her. My arms just went straight through her, but I completed the hug. And we just stood there. Cherishing, no, _savoring_, the little time we had left. _I want to stay with you forever, but that's not possible, is it? I just want to be with you so badly. I'll do anything. How cruel is the fayth that runs my life._ Releasing my grip, I stepped towards the edge. Tears started streaming down my face. And I began to run. I couldn't bear the anguish that came with leaving her, but what else could I do? The faith weren't leaving me any choice. I was left with one thing: a heartbreak like none other. But maybe it was two things: My heartbreak and leaving the one I loved without the love they deserved. At the beginning, all I wanted was to get home. I never thought that I would fall in love. It was the last thing on my mind. But I got to the point where I was desperate, desperate to save her life. I was willing to do anything to keep her alive. Well, I did it. She's safe. She can live her life carefree. But not with me. _But this is no longer my story._ _It's hers._ Shaking my head, I jumped. _I love you, too._

* * *

_**Chapter 01:**_ _**Living Under a Rock Gets You Places**_

_Crudbucket!_

I sat at my desk glaring daggers at my computer. The stupid thing had restarted again. It does that randomly. As you might think, it was annoying. It had already restarted twice in the last fifteen minutes. I was about to throw the darned thing out the window. Not like I would actually take the time and the effort to do it.

Looking around my room, I took in the details of the clutter. My once beautiful blue, gray, navy, and silver bedspread was torn in random places and crumpled at the foot of my luxurious bed. My nightstand was little better. At least it still has all its parts and pieces. The drawers were open and overflowing with junk. Piles of books were stacked on top, completely hiding the lamp from view. Pillows were congregated toward the closet door. The closet actually wasn't that bad. I think that Ernie ate everything that I threw in there. Oh, Ernie is the monster in my closet. He's pink and fuzzy!

Looking back to my evil computer, I saw that it was frozen on the welcome screen.

"Cheese and rice!" I screamed at the infernal thing.

"Mandy! Watch you language!" My mom screamed from behind me.

I didn't hear her come up behind me so in turn she scared the crap out of me. I screamed like a little girl. "Mom! Don't scare me like that!" I panted. My heart rate was surely twice its normal speed. "And I wasn't using God's name in vain. I said 'cheese and rice.' You know, it's food that we eat. I personally don't like them together, but the world's population seems to think that they were meant to be mixed and served with broccoli. I wouldn't mind them each separate, but evidentially that is just too complicated." I reasoned.

"Whatever, just hurry up. I need you to set the table for dinner. It's only going to be the two of us tonight. Dad's working late." My mom explained as she hurried back to the kitchen.

_Poor Dad,_ I thought as she left. My dad works almost 24/7. Our family isn't doing too well in the financial department so he goes to work earlier and stays late.

"Well, might as well get to it!" I said to no one in particular. I stood up and started out towards the kitchen. Kiki, my bipolar cat, decided that it would be fun to trip her uncoordinated mistress. Well, I can say that it wasn't pretty. The devil cat's plan worked. She weaved in between my legs and I went down. Face first into my Tidus action figure. (Yes I have a Tidus action figure. It's totally awesome!) Did you know that his sword is really sharp and pointy? Needless to say, that pointy sword found my defenseless eye.

"Ah! You're going down, you sadistic cat!" I screamed as my eyed watered.

I headed down the hall and into the kitchen, all the while plotting my revenge.

After setting the table, I wondered into the den to watch some TV. It was Monday and Monday meant Heroes! Woohoo!

After the watching of the Heroes, I went into the kitchen to see if dinner was ready yet. We were having the ever so wonderful broccoli, cheese, and rice combination. Don't you just _love_ irony?

After choking down the poison, I went to my room to read some more in 'Brisingr' by Christopher Paolini. I really don't like that book. I stayed up till midnight to buy the freaking thing and it's not even that good! Never the less, I shall finish reading it even if it kills me!

When I couldn't take anymore, I got up and went to my closet. I needed to pick out something to wear the next day to school. I asked Ernie and he said that my 'Hawk Nelson is My Friend' t-shirt with a pair of jeans would look good. I put them on just to be sure and looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked plain. My hair wasn't straight but wasn't curly. I just recently got it cut so it was about cheek length. My face was as pale as a ghost and my chest was basically flat and I'm not exactly the skinniest person in the world. I'm not fat, just not a toothpick who could eat anything and still not gain weight. (Am I the only one who hates those kinds of people? I can just think about food and gain weight!) Another thing, I am short. I am 5'3. I grew half an inch in a whole year! (That's an accomplishment for me.) The only things that I really like about myself are my eyes. They're this light color blue with a navy blue rim. That's the only thing I get compliments on. *sniff* But I'm not discouraged!

As I looked at myself in the mirror, I thought of how Plain Jane I was. My life was just the same. To sum it up in one word, boring.

_Oh well. Life should get at least a little bit interesting. We've got that exchange student from Japan coming tomorrow._

Ironically his name was Tidus. I was just itching to ask him if he'd played Final Fantasy X. Seriously, if his name was Tidus, he _had_ to have played the game!

_I'm getting all excited just thinking about tomorrow! My dweeb of a sister is gone because of that exchange program thing and now a guy will be staying here in her stead!_

I was so happy that I turned on 'Soldier Boy' and did that stupid dance that goes with it. I felt so freaking hyper! I envied my sister though. She was on her way to Japan! My favorite country ever!

_Oh well! Hopefully the Asian is hot!_

The exchange student would be arriving tomorrow at 3:00 pm. My parents couldn't get off work so it was my responsibility to drive to the airport and pick up the Asian. I like referring to him as the Asian. Asian is a fun word to say. Not to mention type. Asian! Asian! Asian! Asian! Asian!

Well, since his flight gets in at 3:00, that meant that I get out of school early! Happy dance!

That night, I could barely sleep. I was thinking about how popular I was going to be at school. The guy would be in _all_ of my classes! That means that I'm the only person he would really know and he would stick to me like glue. Ergo, people would be around me wanting to know about him and the like. Yes, I know I'm shallow.

The next day went by so _slow_. I was going to be dismissed from class at 2:15. It gave me 30 minutes time just in case I got lost. I tend to get lost a _lot_. You can ask my friend Valerie. For some reason, known only to the marshmallow god, when I get lost, I tend to find a dead porcupine on the road. Weird, huh?

I got out of class and basically sprinted to my truck. I think I beat the record for the hundred meter dash. I got in my truck and sped out of the parking lot. I swear I was going like 50mph.

After going 10 miles over the speed limit, I finally arrived at the airport. It took forever for me to find the parking lot. I got inside round 2:45.

_Better to be fifteen minutes early than fifteen minutes late!_

I pulled out a miniature white board from my back pack and wrote 'Tidus' on it. I was prepared to shove it into the face of every Asian I saw.

When the plane landed, I nearly ran to the place where the passengers were to come out. But I was keeping it cool. People started piling out, and the majority were Asians. Let me redefine 'majority.' There were a _lot_ of Asians.

So I did what any typical teen would do. I started screaming at the top of my lungs for Tidus. Man did I get a reaction or what! Heads turned and security charged. I'm sure all the Asians were thinking the same thing: Stupid American.

I'm sorry to say that I didn't have a chance to see if my brilliant plan worked.

My head is still fuzzy from when I was tackled by three, not one, but _three_ security guards. Never say that you're there to blow up the building. They take you seriously!

Well, after the whole mess was sorted out, I went back to the terminal where Tidus should be, and what I saw left me breathless.

His hair was a soft blond and spiky. I was soon lost in his startling blue eyes. He wore a white wife beater.

_Man, there should be a law against a shirt that tight!_

The shirt showed every single one of his muscular abs. He had on a pair of black basketball shorts and a pair of painfully yellow Nikes.

I had found Tidus.

_Squee!_

Tidus was standing roughly 50 yards away. I covered that distance in less than 2 seconds. I was running about 90 mph. I imagine it hurt when I tackled the blitzball player.

It was a super glomp.

Poor Tidus. He wasn't braced for such an impact. So, as you can imagine, he went down.

Hard.

With me on top of him.

I wrapped my arms around his waist in a death grip. I was _not_ about to let go. I mean, seriously, this was Tidus!

_ZOMG! I'm actually glomping Tidus! He's sooooo HAWT!_

I've had a crush on Tidus ever since I started playing FFX. People have tried to tell me that Tidus is fictional, but my mind is unable accept that such beauty and hotness could possibly be a work of fiction.

Tidus lay under my weight a little stunned. Well, wouldn't you if you were just glomped by an insane fangirl?

He tried to sit up, though it was a might difficult with me clinging to his waist. He finally pulled my hands apart and jumped up. He looked like he was about to start running, but he decided to hide behind an Asian instead. The Asian just looked annoyed and started mumbling under his breath. For all I know, he was muttering about the differences between rice pudding and chocolate ice 't try to make a pros and cons list. It goes on _forever_.

The Asian, fed up with this charade, said some mumbo jumbo crap in Japanese and walked away. I was left alone with Tidus. Poor, poor Tidus. He wasn't going to be able to leave my side for one second.

"Um, are you going to get off the ground?" Tidus asked hesitantly. Then a look of horror covered his face. "Why are you smiling at me like that?"

Indeed, I was smiling. It was a crazy smile. I've been told that when I get a crazy idea, I get this creepy grin on my face. Usually people steer clear of me till it's gone. Too bad Tidus didn't know any better.

"Oh, it's nothing," I said as I stood up. "We're going to have a marvelous time together! I just know it!" With that, I grabbed his hand and towed him in the direction of the luggage shoot thingy-ma-bob.

Once we got his luggage, which was a strange little green and red duffle bag, we headed to my truck. Oh how he was going to just _love_ my driving. FYI, I drive like a mad woman on drugs. I have never gotten in a car wreck, received a ticket, or anything like that. But I do tend to drive a little on the illegal side. Again, ask Valerie for all the horror stories and near death experiences.

Upon arriving to his doom, aka my big shiny four door red F150, I said, "Put your bag in the back and strap it in. I don't want it flying around everywhere." Tidus' face turned a shade lighter as he complied.

I jumped in my truck and revved the engine. Oh, how I _love_ doing that. Tidus got in the passenger seat and quickly buckled his safety device, his only chance for survival.

The ride would be fun. I lived about 45 minutes away from the airport. That meant tons of awkward silences and near death experiences.

It turned out that there were few cars to cut off, no red lights to run, and too many cops to do any wheelies. In other words, no fun.

Tidus had messed with the radio until he found a song to his liking. It was 'Teenagers'. I nearly killed him. I _hate_ that song with a passion. No, wait. _Hate_ is a strong word, and my psychiatrist doesn't like me to use it. Let's just say that I _dislike_ 'Teenagers' with a passion.

On hearing the song, I swerved off the road, nearly taking out an old lady in a wheelchair. I hate having to swerve around old people. Why can't they just move out of the way? By now, Tidus was screaming for his life. I slammed on the brakes and gave the blond a look that would peel paint.

"Change it now." Was all I managed to say.

Still trying to catch his breath, Tidus asked, "Change what?"

"The song, you idiot! Change the freaking song!"

I'm pretty sure I had one of those anime blood vessels on my forehead. And I'm pretty sure it was about to pop. Finally understanding, he quickly pushed one of the random buttons on the radio and the devil's theme song was no more. Being bipolar and all, I smiled and started to sing along with the new song playing, 'Crush' by David Archuleta. I pulled back onto the road and got back up to speed.

So the ride home was… well… interesting. After we got back on the road and nearly died about five times, I got on the highway. I like highways. Don't you? They're nice and straight and have the same speed all the way through. Best of all, not stop signs!

I finally had a real chance to talk to Tidus. You know, about stuff like why he was here in real life. How he got in Japan. And why he was so freaking hawt. So I started off with the most important question of all.

"So do you have a girlfriend?" Hey! I needed to know if the road was clear! Can't blame me for that! Tidus just gave me a blank uncomfortable stare.

_If he says that he's in love with a girl named Yuna, I'm gonna kill him._

I haven't always liked Yuna that much. She annoyed me with the fact that she fell for Seymour's obvious lies. Seriously, how could she possibly believe him when he said that it would be better for Spira if they got married? I always thought of Seymour as the pedophile type. Now, don't get me wrong. I like Yuna. I _cried_ at the end of the game because she was alone. But still, she's not my favorite character.

Looking now at Tidus, I saw embarrassment on his face. It had been about a minute since I asked my nosy question. I _love _being nosy! I got an A in that class! I was about to repeat my question, but he mumbled something unintelligible.

"Say again?" I asked. I really needed to know this!

"Well, there's this girl…" he mumbled a little louder.

It took all my self control not to slam on the brakes and throw him out of the car. Instead, I nodded politely gestured for him to continue.

"It's somewhat... complicated," he said quietly, "Whoah! You're SWERVING OFF THE ROAD! KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE WHEEL!"

At first I was so relieved that it wasn't official… then he used the words 'somewhat' and for some reason I didn't like that. I took my hands off the wheel so I could reach over and choke him. I kinda forgot that you need your hands _on_ the wheel to steer the car.

_My bad._

After I regained control of the car and driving somewhat safely I turned the radio up and sang along to 'His favorite Christmas Story' by Capitol Lights. Man, I LOVE that song! I looked over at Mr. Manly to see if he was breathing okay. He was still recovering from the mild heart attack and the loss of oxygen to the brain from when I had choked him.

Okay, I kinda felt sorry for the dude. He didn't know what was gonna set me off nor how to deal with me when I was a little more than frustrated.

_Maybe I should apologize… _

_Nah! _

"I know you're never supposed to distract the driver, but I need to know something," Tidus had finally come out of his stupor.

"Sure, what is it?" I asked warily.

"What are you on?" A wide grin split his face.

"Just a little bit of meth, some coke, and Frosted Mini Wheats."

We both burst into laughter. After that, we talked openly with one another. The ice had finally broken. He asked about my school and what it was like, who my friends were, and, I quote, 'When can we get something to eat?'

There was something I needed to clear up, though. How did he get here?

"Hey, Tidus? How did you get here?" I finally asked. "I mean, you know, out of that game and all."

He just looked at me like I had a third eye. I hate that look. I tend to get that look on a daily basis. Go figure.

"You're kidding, right?"

_Okay, girl. Be nice._

"You live in a world called Spira, you play blitzball for the Zanarkand Abes, and you fought and defeated Sin." I explained in the most patient tone I could muster. "How did you get from there to here?"

Something flickered behind those endless blue eyes.

"How the hell did you know all that?" he nearly yelled.

"Never mind that. Why are you _here_? Why aren't you back on Spira?" I said hurriedly.

Looking away, he took a deep breath. "I faded. I know for a fact that I faded away," Looking back at me there was desperation in his eyes. "But when I came to, I wasn't in Spira anymore. I found myself in Japan. A guy found me and took me in. He was some sort of manga artist and had some money tucked away. He paid for me to go to school and then the opportunity for the exchange program came around. He said it would be a great experience, that I should go. I'd only been in Japan for about three months, but I was restless. I didn't know how to get back to Spira." He paused, "By then, I had found out that my life was a RPG. _Final Fantasy X_ is what they called it. I bought the game and played it all the way through." There were tears in his eyes.

_Poor Tidus, he had to relive all the sorrows of his journey and he's not any closer to getting home._

Pulling over to the side of the road, I grabbed his hand in sympathy. "Tidus, I don't know how you got here, but I'm going to do whatever I can to get you back." The words stung me as I said them. Truth be told, I didn't want him to go back.

_He doesn't belong here._

Sighing, I glanced over at him. He was staring at me.

"What?"

"Oh, it's nothing." He stammered.

"Oh no you don't!" I kidded as I started to drive again. "Why were you looking at me funny?"

He turned his head away quickly, but I _think_ I saw a blush. "It's nothing. Let's just get to your house in one piece."

I didn't push him. I just laughed and stepped on the gas. But something was bothering me. Well, it had _always_ bothered me.

"Tidus, why the heck do you where those yellow shoes?" You know it bothers you too.

Let me just say this now: Never, _ever_, diss the shoes.

A look of annoyance covered his face. "It just so happens that these _yellow_ shoes are quite popular in Spira."

_Hmm... I don't remember anyone else in the game ever wearing yellow shoes._

"Um... ok..." What else can you say?

"Seriously," he huffed, "Who doesn't like yellow shoes?"

_I hate to break it to you, but just about everyone hates those stupid yellow shoes. I'm just curious to how Sora ended up with them. Poor kid._

"Okay... new topic!" I announced.

"Should I be scared?"

"Possibly... yes. Yes, you should." I confirmed.

"Great... Can I pick the topic?" he asked hesitantly.

_Why not? Might as well let the kid get in his last words. Buwahahahahahahahhahaha!_

Nodding to him, he jumped into a story. Evidently there are some aspects of FFX that the game doesn't cover. Tidus decided to fill me in on a few things. I soon zoned out completely. I was thinking of how Valerie, my bestest buddy in the whole entire world, was going to react to having Tidus living in my house.

"Are you even listening to me?" He snapped me out of my reverie. "I was just getting to the good part!"

I smiled and nodded to him and he continued his little pride filled tale of his bravery. It took all I had not to laugh at his ridiculous words. He told me every little detail. And I mean _every_ little detail. No matter how small and insignificant it may have been. I got the _whole_ scoop. More than once, he emphasized the fact that he was so heroic and courageous. Gag.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. When we finally reached my house, Courage, the cowardly kid, let out an audible sigh.

"Hey! I'd like to see _you_ drive this truck! Wait… that might not be a good idea," I said as I thought it through. He just rolled his eyes and opened the passenger door, eager to be on the wonderfully safe, sturdy ground.

Parked by the curb, I said, "My parents won't be home for a couple of hours. And my little sister is on her way to Japan. That just leaves to two of us." I got out of the car and unbuckled his bag. Tidus warily stepped out of the doom machine, unsteady on his feet. He looked like one of those drunk hobos you see everywhere. I then took his arm in mine and towed him into the house. I only had a few hours till my parents got there. I wasn't real sure what I would do then. I'd probably just lock them in my closet with Ernie.

"My mom said that I should fix you something to eat, so I hope you like spaghetti because that's the only thing I know how to cook!" Seriously, that's all I can cook, that and cereal.

"What's spaghetti?" the Idiot of the Day asked.

_Please tell me he didn't just ask that?_

I gaped at him, not sure of what to say. Who doesn't know what spaghetti is!? You'd have to live under a rock! Or come from a video game… That might just explain it.

Taking a deep breath I replied, "It's white and stringy, has tons of carbs, and you smother it in marinara sauce."

It didn't help. Tidus had a look of deep thought mixed with confusion. I guess I would just have to show him. I walked to the kitchen and dropped his bag by a stool. I got a pot out of a drawer, filled it halfway with water and set it on the stove. I put the stove on high and waited for the water to boil.

Meanwhile, Tidus seated himself on one of the four stools at the 'island' in the middle of the kitchen. He was watching my every move. I think he was scared I'd light the house on fire or something.

_Silly Tidus, I'm only a pyromaniac on Thursdays._

The water finally began to boil. I got the noodles out of the noodle jar, (yes, I have a noodle jar), and got the right amount out. I broke them in half and put them in the pot. I started to stir and watched Tidus out of the corner of my eye.

The silence was overwhelming. So I went over the radio and turned it on hoping that it would end the awkward turtle moment. Of course, people were just talking on _all_ the stations. I hate that. The only reason I listen to the radio is for the music. Not to listen to idiotic people talk about their idiotic lives and how idiotic their day was. Am I the only one annoyed by that?

"Hey, Tidus? Can you stir this while I go get a CD?" I asked sweetly.

"Um, sure. All I have to do is stir?" he replied walking towards the stove.

"Yep! Thanks a bunch! I'll be right back!"

I handed the spoon over to him, and then skipped down the hall to my room. I had the perfect CD in mind. I had a million and one songs on my computer and, in turn, a million and two CDs (don't ask). I had this one with the most random songs on it. But best of all, it had 'Remember the Name' by Fort Minor (The non pa version! aka it had no cussing).

I found the CD under my bed. It was being held hostage by Gertrude, Ernie's girlfriend. After promising Gertrude a bag of Oreos, I finally got the CD. As I stood up with a triumphant grin, I heard a yelp from the kitchen.

_Oh crud! Did it boil over?_

I ran back into the kitchen to see Tidus standing over the pot, which was now boiling over like crazy. He was holding his hand up close to his face and was blowing on it.

"You idiot! Why'd you let it boil over?" I screamed as I turned the stove down and grabbed the spoon. "Did you burn yourself?" I asked suddenly worried.

_What if he's seriously injured? OMG! I burned the star player of the Zanarkand Abes!_

Looking over at Tidus, I saw that he was nursing a red splotch on his right hand. "I think it's okay." He said with a grimace.

"Oh, no you don't! Let me see," I demanded. He showed me his hand and I winced. It wasn't bad but he was getting a blister. "Okay, there's a rag under the sink. Get that and then get some ice from the freezer. Wrap the ice with in rag and put it on your hand. You're going to have a nasty blister, but it will go away after a few days." My babysitter instincts had taken over.

After he had done as I said, I took the noodles off the stove. I then got out a strainer and a big plastic bowl. After the noodles had been drained of water, I put them in the bowl and got out two plates, forks, and napkins.

_We're going to live without the sauce._

After I set a plate in front of Tidus, he sat down and gazed longingly at the food. He looked as if he would eat about anything. I got the parmesan cheese out and set it on the 'island' and spooned some spaghetti for Tidus, and then some for myself.

"Bon apatite!" I exclaimed happily as I took a bite. I looked over at my guest to see how he was doing. He was eating the spaghetti with his hands!

_Primal much?_

I glared at him until he looked up. Noodles were hanging from his mouth.

"What?" he asked, his mouth full.

"There's a wonderful new invention. It's called the fork," I stated nonchalantly. "Why not use it?"

* * *

That wasn't too bad, was it? lol, if you made it through that, then you are superman incarnate. Please review!

_**Next Time:**_

What happens when Tidus accidentally eats my cereal? It's the first day of school for the spunky blond. He meets the infamous Valerie. Will his peace offering work? Or will he fail miserably?


	2. The Sanity that Never Was

_A/N: So I hate this chapter with every fiber of my being. Yeah, I wasn't really too inspired to write this. This chapter just kinda needed to happen. Please don't hate me if you don't like this chap that much. The next one shall be way better! I swear on the head of the puppy I never got for Christmas!_

_Now on with the detestable chap! But first, 'Silly Songs' with Larry._

_Larry: Oh, where is my hairbrush? Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh, where,  
oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh,  
where oh, where ... is my hairbrush?_

_mr91: I stole it you fool!_

_Larry: You stole my hairbrush? Why would you do that?_

_mr91: (insert evil laughter here)_

* * *

_**Chapter 2: The Sanity That Never Was**_

My alarm went off at 6:00 AM. How I hated that alarm clock. I groped for the snooze button, but it refused to be found. Being the patient person I am, I just picked up the clock and threw it across the room only for it to crash against the wall. But the alarm refused to die.

_Screw this!_

I jumped out of bed and ran over to the stupid thing. There just happened to be a metal baseball bat conveniently placed within my reach. I grabbed it and began the mutilation of my sleep interrupter. After thoroughly destroying the contraption, I headed down the hall to the kitchen. It was time to get my energizer, aka, a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats.

When I arrived in the kitchen, I froze in horror. There sitting at the island was Tidus. But that's not what made me stop. He was eating a bowl of cereal. Frosted Mini Wheats to be exact. _My_ Frosted Mini Wheats.

In a haze, I walked over to Tidus and hit him as hard as I possibly could. He fell off the stool spilling the cereal all over the floor.

"What the-" He started, but my glare silenced him.

I took the box of cereal and got myself a bowl. I ate my Frosted Mini Wheats in dead silence. Tidus still hadn't gained the courage to get off the floor. After finishing off my breakfast, I started to really wake up. I got all hyper and went over to Tidus, who was _still_ on the floor, and just started spitting off random crap.

"So my grandma got run over by a reindeer! And then I caught my mommy kissing Santa Clause!" I was insanely hyper and I had Christmas on my mind. After singing all the Christmas carols I knew, I looked at the clock.

6:30 AM.

_Oh crap._

"I'm gonna be late!" I scream as I sprint down the hall to my room. I only had 15 minutes to get ready. I run into my closet and Ernie quickly tossed me a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I raced into my bathroom and changed, nearly falling in the process.

_I'm going to have to just live without make-up._

I shuddered at the thought. All those poor and innocent people... I pity them when they look at my face.

Grabbing shoes, I raced out of my room and into the kitchen. Tidus had managed to clean up his mess and was now tying his sadistically bright yellow shoes.

_I swear those shoes will mysteriously disappear._

Checking the clock again, it read 6:43.

_Snap crackle pop we gotta get going!_

"Tidus, we need to go, _now_." With this said, I ran out the door and to my awaiting truck.

Upon starting my truck, I honked the horn, impatient to get on the road. It took about a half hour to get to school regularly, not counting the six stop signs and eight stoplights along the way. In short, we needed to get the hell out of there.

After what seemed like hours, in fact only being a little less than two minutes, Tidus came and climbed into his deathbed. As soon as he was in I hit the gas. You know those six stop signs? I only stopped at half of them and that's only because there was this little old lady driving in front of me. Why do they have to drive so freaking _slow_?

Once on the highway, I took it upon myself to fill Tidus in on the ongoings at my school. I attend a small private school located in an old K-Mart building. No joke. I warned Tidus about the people that he needed to stay away from in order that he doesn't get infected with their rich snobbishness or fall under a certain girl's spell. I'm not mentioning names because I am a good person… not.

Looking at the clock in my truck, it read 7:15.

_We're are sooo gonna be late..._

While driving fast enough to be considered 'reckless driving' (10 mph over the speed limit), I walked Tidus through all of my classes and forewarned him of some of my teachers. He learned that I sat with one other person at lunch, since I wasn't exactly _popular_, and I explained to him that we had this one teacher-like-person that would unexpectedly come up behind you and whisper in your ear saying that you had a dress code violation.

"She escaped from the nuthouse, I swear!"

This got me a laugh.

"So are the classes hard?" Tidus asked after several uncomfortably silent minutes.

"Well..." I hesitated. I went to a private school so the education was higher than in public schools. We were given tons of homework and some of our classes were considered college level.

_I don't want to psyche him out on the first day of school... maybe I can let him figure it out on his own?_

"They aren't like a dungeon of doom, but that doesn't mean they're a walk in the park. You know what I mean?" I asked, hoping that he _wouldn't_ get what I meant.

He only nodded, a confused expression on his face.

_Phew! Let the teachers break him!_

After arriving at school with only five minutes to spare, we raced into the building. I found my classroom and took my ceremonial seat in the back along with Tidus. To my left sat one of the top students in our grade, David H. Jr. When I first came to this school, David had scared me half to death. He's around six feet tall with some major muscles. He's not exactly the most attractive looking guy, but he's pretty sweet. First glance, you would take him as a jock that beats up kids behind the school each day. But he's just a big teddy bear type of guy.

Anyways, he was seated next to me and, being on the student council, leaned over and whispered, "Mandy! Is he the exchange student?"

Feeling all sorts of smug, I answered loudly, "This is Tidus, the exchange student from Japan. He just arrived yesterday," This got people's attention. Pointing to Tidus, who was seated on my right, I continued. "He's going to be in all of my classes."

As soon as I was finished, everyone in the class came over to introduce themselves. Later I learned that Tidus couldn't remember half their names, they were so odd.

_I forgot that he's used to Japanese names. To him, our names must seem so strange._

The bell rang and the students went back to their respective desks. The class went on in its usual boring way. The particular teacher for that class, Mr. Damon, had a monotone voice. So his lectures always put someone to sleep. I am proud to say that I never slept in his class. I only slept in U.S. History.

Looking over to see how Tidus fared, I found him hunched over on his desk snoring softly. Reaching across, I pinched the bundle of nerves between his shoulder and his elbow (it really, really hurts! Seriously, try it!), resulting in him jumping up out of his seat, all the while yelling his indignation.

Mr. Damon looked up and asked, "Is there something wrong?"

Blushing slightly, Tidus mumbled, "Uh... no, sir. I thought I saw a bug..." This got a round of laughter from the class. Mr. Damon just shook his head and mumbled something about 'kids these days' and told Tidus to sit down. As soon as he was sitting, I gave Tidus an evil grin and brought my attention back to the _ever _so exciting lecture.

When the long awaited bell finally rang for class change, I jumped up and grabbed Tidus by the arm, towing him to our next torture chamber.

My next academic enrichment just so happened to be Latin 3. Yes, I take Latin. It helps your vocabulary scores on the SAT (but I only managed to score a 1390. I was just 10 points away from getting scholarship money! Feel free to shoot me in the foot at any point in time.)

"Please tell me you're joking," said the tall blond.

"Nope! You get to endure this with me," I replied cheerfully. "Best of all, Valerie's in this class!"

Yes, Valerie, my bestest buddy in the whole entire world, had been placed in the same class as me. The world will regret it someday.

After taking my seat, in the front of the class because Mrs. Huckleberry (yes, I actually have a teacher named Irene Huckleberry) thought I did better when sitting closer to her so that I might 'pay more attention', I forced Tidus to take the desk to my left.

Now I just want to say that I came to this school my sophomore year. I took Latin 1 then. Most students in my class had already started their language course in 8th grade, so they were already finished getting their foreign language credits. So guess what? My sophomore year in Latin I was spent with a slew of 8th graders. So here I am now, a senior, with a pack of marshmallows. Kill me now.

As all of the youngsters piled into the classroom talking about how they were all AP students and how smart they were (gag), I introduced Tidus to Mrs. Huckleberry. Now, Mrs. Huckleberry is not your average teacher. She's, well, a little _strange_. She considers learning about declensions of verbs is just the pinnacle of the fun pyramid. She's also a nerd when it comes to Roman mythology. Now this might not seem so strange to you, but you don't know her the way we do. Don't get me wrong, she's still one of my favorite teachers, for reason unknown even to myself, but let's just say that I don't exactly look forward to her class.

"Well, I'm glad that you'll be joining us, Tidus." Mrs. Huckleberry mumbled unsure. "I don't expect you to be able to know all that the class knows. Have you taken Latin before?" Tidus shook his head no. To be honest, I don't think he even knew what it was. "Well then, you can use this period as a study hall."

Groans of "unfair" and "not cool" rang throughout the classroom. I am happy to say that I was the loudest among them.

_Okay, I know he's the new exchange student and isn't from this world and doesn't know anything about our culture and probably can't even name the state let alone the country he's in, but that's _so_ not fair!_

"Um... thank you, Mrs....?" Tidus trailed off, looking to me for help. Too bad I was still sulking about him getting a free period.

"Huckleberry. Mrs. Huckleberry," corrected a marshmallow that I despise. Maddie *cough*

With that, Mrs. Huckleberry stalked off to her desk to search frantically for papers that were never there in the first place.

"Welcome to our school," continued Maddie.

_God, please smite her!_

"Thanks for the save! I can't remember half the names I've been told today," Tidus replied, oblivious of the hatred I emancipated towards the dreadful little girl.

Coughing into my hand, I caught Tidus's attention. He glanced down at me, for he was still standing from his meeting with the teacher, and I 'discreetly' shook my head 'no.'

"Nice to meet you," he mumbled as he slid into his seat.

Maddie was forced to go back to her seat when the warning bell rang saying we had one minute to get to class.

Just then, the door sprang open to admit a girl clearly out of breath, carrying a book in one hand while lugging a huge purse bursting at the seams with notebooks. Her dark brown hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, though her bangs still hung in her eyes. She wore her infamous black t-shirt which read "I'm a ninja. You can't see me." Yes, this was Valerie.

She quickly ran to her seat behind me and plopped her bag and book down. Once she was seated, the final bell rang.

"Victory is mine!" she cried out, making everyone stare at her questionably.

"Yes, yes, Valerie, victory was yours when you escaped from that padded room," I drawled.

This earned me a slap upside the head. I laughed it off and pointed at Tidus, "Look what _I_ found."

And so Valerie stared. You know how people say that their jaw just hits the floor? Well, I can honestly say that Valerie's chin was touching the nasty carpet right then.

"Th-that, that's-" she stuttered.

"Valerie, I'd like you to meet Tidus. Tidus this is Valerie, the coolest person to walk the face of the planet." I spoke calmly, loving her reaction. I had purposefully not called Valerie the night before because I wanted to surprise her.

_I think it worked. Maybe too well..._

Next thing I know, she punches me in the arm. "Why the heck did you keep this from me?"

My evil laughter fills the room.

"It still needs work." Valerie so conveniently supplies.

This made Tidus burst out laughing. "Man, _I_ could do better than that!"

Turing red with embarrassment, I sunk deep into my chair.

"Ah, don't feel bad. Some people just can't pull it off," said Valerie with mock sympathy.

Then Mrs. Huckleberry butted in and said that "the time for chatter is over, now. Let's take a vocab quiz!" After everyone, except magnificent Maddie, failed the quiz, we worked on junk that I didn't pay attention to. I don't think that the whole front row thing was really working for me.

When class was finally over, Valerie drug me to the side and demanded to know what was going on. I promised to explain everything during study hall next period. Upon being dragged to study hall by previously mentioned best friend, I plopped down into my usual desk with Tidus right beside me. Valerie looked plaintively between the two of us. This was going to take some work.

After explaining everything that I knew about the situation, which, by the way, isn't much, she sat down with a strange expression on her face. I sat there nervously. Was she mad at me for keeping this from her?

Valerie began to laugh. It was an uncontrollable evil laughing fit. Tidus fidgeted in his seat, not sure what to think of it. A wide grin set across my face.

"So is everything good now?" Tidus asked sheepishly.

Valerie immediately stopped laughing and turned so that she faced him. "That depends. Whaddya bring me?"

Tidus literally paled as he wallowed around for what to say. I stepped in before he could make a botch of it.

"He hasn't had a chance to get you anything yet," I answered for him. "But we have off-campus lunch today. He'll bring something back just for you."

_And I have just the thing._

And audible sigh could be heard from the blitzballer. He was safe... for now. Muwahahahahaha!

By now, Valerie had already forgiven me for not telling her about Tidus sooner, though she pointedly ignored him all through study hall. At this, Tidus was frustrated. He was used to people giving him attention. I think Valerie knew that, too.

_Well, it looks like she won't say a word to him unless he gets her something good._

Though Valerie ignored him, all the students stared and whispered, too afraid to come closer.

"Um... why are they staring like that?" Tidus asked, uncomfortable.

"You see, the thing is, they are scared of Valerie," I whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. Valerie twitched, hearing her name. "She had this six foot 'stay-out-of-my-way' bubble that no one, excluding myself, dares to penetrate," I finished with a happy go lucky smile.

Snickers could be heard throughout the room. They all knew I was joking... to a certain extent. You see, Valerie is not exactly a social butterfly. She stays in her corner and reads her books and answers any question the teacher asks. Oh, did I mention that she's 3 points shy of a genius?

"Hey," a deep voice sounded behind me. "Who's the new kid?"

I turned and found myself face to face with one of the many Davids in our school. This particular David was somewhat geekish and a little awkward, but he was still kind of cool.

"Oh, this is Tidus. David, Tidus. Tidus, David." I turned back around and started doodling on the desk. I'm such a rebel.

"So... I hear you're from Japan..." David asked using his infamous awkwardness.

"Uh... yeah, at least, that's what they tell me!" the blonde laughed at his little joke.

This just confused David.

_Might as well stop this now._

Sighing, I turned around and said, "Tidus, you're a dork. David, where are you eating for off-campus lunch today?" I thought lunch was a pretty safe subject.

"Oh, I'm heading to Rosas' Cafe," he paused as if waiting for me to respond. Heck, I didn't feel like it! "How about you guys?"

"Well, I need to get gas, so we might just end up running through Burger King." I had noticed on the way to school that I had about a quarter tank left.

"Oh, that's cool..." then he just walked away. Weird guy, huh?

For the remainder of study hall, I continued with my vandalism of my desk as Tidus tried to entertain himself with an eraser shaped like Barney. Don't ask.

Once we were released from our misery, I dragged Tidus to my truck. Valerie had told me she was going to walk to Dairy Queen, so I had Tidus to myself. (Is it just me, or does that line sound sick and wrong?)

After I started driving, Tidus asked hesitantly, "Could you _try_ and drive like a normal _sane_ person?"

_Gotta give him props for working up the courage to ask._

I laughed, "Sure, I'll do my best."

* * *

_Ten minutes later..._

"Turn! Turn! Turn!" Tidus screamed into my ear. I turned the wheel just in time. The dumpster would live to see another day.

Looking in the rearview mirror, I stepped on the gas causing Tidus to hit his head on the window.

"Hey! Watch it!" he cried out, rubbing the back of his head.

I was too intent on getting us the hell out of there than worrying about driving safely. The freaks had gotten in their black Ford _Escape_ and were hot on our tails. Swerving around a car, I turned the wheel, cutting across the street and pulling onto a deserted neighborhood road. You know how the speed limit is usually 30 mph in neighborhoods? Multiply that by three and that tells you how fast I was going.

Digging in my purse with the hand I wasn't using to steer, I grabbed my cell phone and chucked it in Tidus's general direction. It hit him square in the face.

_Score!_

While Tidus screamed his outrage, I turned left onto a connecting street.

"Call 911 and tell them that we are being chased by two maniacs in a Ford _Escape_," I said calmly. "When we get to the next street, I'll call out the name of it and the direction we are headed. You have to tell them everything and insist that they hurry to our rescue," I stated as nonchalantly as I could while I ran yet another stop sign. "You get all that?"

He nodded and began dialing.

"Why the hell did you pick a fight with them, anyways?"

"They were making fun of my shoes."

*blank stare*

Recovering from my 'I-can't-believe-he-picked-a-fight-over-a-stupid-pair-of yellow-shoes-that-even-a-hobo-would-scorn' trauma, I reached across the seat and promptly slapped him upside the head. "Ow! What was that for?"

I didn't even bother answering him.

I had been getting gas when Tidus ran up to me screaming to "Drive! Drive! Drive!" Two gangster looking guys were close behind him and they didn't look happy. Hence the car chase had begun.

Looking behind me, the guys were still in pursuit.

_Time for some evasive action!_

"You know what we need?" I asked, indifferent to the growing horror on his face. "A nice little change in direction."

Before he could protest, I turned the wheel sharply to the right and made a 180 heading straight for the oncoming traffic, aka the thugs in the _Escape_. You could only imagine the high pitched scream that came from Tidus's mouth. Yes, Tidus screaming like a little girl totally made my day.

But back to the exciting game of Chicken. I was _not_ going to be the one to turn first. Well, at least, I _wasn't_ going to be the one who turned at first, but Tidus, still on the phone with the emergency 911 person, decided he didn't like this game. He reached across and took hold of the steering wheel, veering off the street and directly into someone's lawn, promptly running over their creepy little garden gnome. Good riddance.

"You freaking-" I didn't have time to finish. We were heading straight into a nice, big, brick house.

"Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap..." I jerked the wheel back to the left. We ended up clipping the mailbox, but otherwise were safe... until I looked behind us. Yep, the freaks had turned around and were about to crash into the driver's side, aka my face!

"Oh crap oh crap oh _CRAP_!" I don't think my truck has ever picked up speed as quickly as it did in that moment. We went from zero to fifty in about three seconds.

_I'm so going to need new tires after this._

Making our way down the street, I turned sharply onto the connecting road.

"We're heading west on 82nd!" I yelled to Tidus.

"Whoa! This barren wasteland actually has a lake?"

_Lake? Heck freaking yes!_

"Tidus, you're a genius!"

"I am?" he asked, befuddled. "Well, of course I am! You're talking to the star-"

"-player of the Zanarkand Abes. I know, I know!" I interrupted. "Tell them that we're heading south onto Quaker."

Speeding my way down the busy street, I argued out loud with myself on how I should go about with my plan.

"If I try and swerve there, then I'll hit that duck... I could try and run through that fence, but there's still the matter of that tree on the other side. Well, I _could_ turn sharply to the left..."

"What the hell are you mumbling about over there?" Tidus asked, completely and totally confused by my ramblings.

"How do you feel about swimming?" I asked, focusing on the red light I was about to run.

Realizing what I had in mind, he shook his head. "Nuh-uh! Hell no!"

"But-"

"NO! Just wait for the cops!"

Muttering under my breath, I drove the gallant red vehicle as cars swerved away from me, trying their best not to get into a wreck. I sadly turned the truck away from the ever looming lake.

"You take the fun out of life," I pouted.

"Oh yeah?" he sputtered. "Well, you take the R out of friend!" He looked mighty proud of himself. I just really didn't feel like crushing his high by telling him that that was the lamest come back in all of eternity.

Not long after, sirens could be heard. We were saved!

"Glory hallelujah! Praise the Lord!" I whooped, pulling over to the side of the road. The guys in the Ford _Escape_ drove past us, scared of getting caught by the cops.

The police car pulled over and two people got out.

Have you ever been interrogated by a muscle woman-like cop who glares down at you from her impressive, yet very much so frightening, 6 feet 5 inches who spoke with a voice deeper than that of an iguana with a head cold? Let me just tell you, **it is not fun**.

After going through a list of questions 23.7 miles long, I called the school to explain our predicament.

"Are you alright!?" cried Mrs. Toadsuck. Yes, the lady that works in the school's office has the shame of bearing such a horrid name.

"Um... yeah. We didn't die and my truck is _perfectly_ fine," I gloated, proud of my intoxicated-like driving skills. After reassuring her that we were fine and probably wouldn't be returning to school because of the "shock," I hung up and let out a sigh of relief.

"You okay?" Tidus asked hesitantly. For all he knew, that car chase had knocked me off into the deep end forever and ever and ever and ever etc.

"We nearly died." I said with wonder.

"Yeah, but we didn't!" He replied cheerfully.

I just shook my head got back inside my truck. Tidus soon followed suit. Not long after we got on the road, my phone sang out, "Yo mama's callin' back! For no real reason but just to chat. She'll waste your minutes talkin' bout the cat or bout how Dad has gotten fat!"

"What the hell?" Tidus exclaimed, trying hard not to laugh.

_Great. She's going to flip._

I answered my phone, flinching when my mother's shrill voice pierced the air.

"Yes, I'm okay... No, no one was hurt... I didn't kill the Japanese kid, no... He doesn't hate America now, I promise... I love you too, Mom."

I hung up with a groan.

"Everything cool with your mom?" Tidus asked hopefully.

Using the power of the Dark side of the force, I glared him into a whimper. "Yeah, everything's just fine and dandy! Because of your stupid yellow shoes, I am grounded until further notice!"

* * *

_A/N: So... I'm proud of you if you have made it thus far without lunging for my throat. _

_:insert applause here: _

_I know this chapter sucked harder than a toad on weed, but hey, I updated... that's gotta count for _something_. I just re-read this and noticed that I add -like to everything. I shall work to rid myself of this anti-grammar-like abomination! Oops! I did it again! I played with your heart!_

_So you would think that I would have an idea of what to do next... yeah, I don't. However, I am quite sure someone else does. _

_*cough * you *cough cough *_

_If you have any ideas, just let me know. Anything and everything is very much so appreciated!_

_Please review and tell me what I did wrong and how to fix it or if I had spelling errors or such nonsensical things._

_Beware of the man with one sandal!_


End file.
